House Hunting, Part Tres (with some dental issues thrown in)

Well, good news!  I got approved for that house I wrote about in my last post!  The bad news?  My grandpa and my mom are refusing to move there, and I had to turn the Realtor down.  Without them, I can’t afford the $1100 rent on my own.  So, the whole process of finding a place starts all over again, and now we are down to about 50 days or so until we get evicted.  My Aunt is going to head to the bank to ask them for an extension on the house, but I don’t see why.  My grandpa is so far into this foreclosure, not to mention the house is more of a burden than anything else.

I was looking forward to the move.  The thought of clean carpets, dishwashers, washing machines and dryers was too good to be true.  Not to mention fully functional electricity through out the whole house?  A dream!  A bedroom that didn’t seep water every it rained or the snow started to melt?  Bigger dream.

With the soon coming foreclosure, I’ve been busting my ass trying to find us a place to go.  Somewhere that we could afford and fit all three of us without having to dump damn near all of our furniture and belongings.  Nothing I found was good enough.  Someone always had an excuse for every house I found.  Never mind all the work I’ve put in talking to Realtors, banks, loan companies, getting official documentation from courthouses, and everything else I’ve done.  None of the work I’ve done to look for a place and keep us all together has been appreciated and they seem to think everything will “Be Okay”  or, “God will take care of us.”

THAT IS NOT HOW THINGS WORK!  You don’t ignore a foreclosure and expect it to go away…  God isn’t going to come from the Heavens and hand a set of keys to a new house.  Plus, you really want to play the ‘God card’?  Okay, then how is this? “God only helps those who help themselves”.  Not a person in this house aside from me is trying to do anything about this situation.  So you know what?  If they don’t care, than neither do I.  I’m done.

»I’ve decided that as of April 1st, if they don’t have a lead or a move-in date for a place to go, then I am just going to move out on my own.  I do not want to leave my grandpa in this stage of his life but I can not, I repeat CAN NOT let his actions leave me homeless.  If he and mom were serious and understood the reality of everything, I would have signed that lease to the house and we could be packing and moving right now.   Yeah, it not in the town we are in now, nor is it cheap (by their standards).  I’m sorry, but distance is a luxury that we don’t have right now and no matter what, price will always be an issue because we all have low incomes and rent is expensive.«

I’ve barely been able to take care of my own life the last few years, and a big part of is is because I’ve taken care of so many other people’s issues.  Yes, my mom helped me in my times of unemployment… but that is over and there is a new issue facing not just me, but everyone in my household.  If they don’t care, fine.  I do, and I will take care of myself at this point.  I feel like a cold-hearted bitch, but I will not allow myself to be brought down by other people’s mistakes.  My own mistakes hinder me as it is, and I can’t afford to start letting other people’s to fuck up my life anymore than it already is.  I hate the thought of leaving my grandpa, and have been adamant about staying with him until he passes away.  But I can’t justify that reason into me becoming homeless alongside him and my mom if they keep their shit up.

I’m so fucking stressed.  On top of this I am dealing with my wisdom teeth acting up again and finally have to just have them yanked.  Last week I developed an infection on the left side and my face swelled.  Since then its nothing but antibiotics, sleeping pills, and massive amounts of Tylenol keeping the pain at bay and allowing me to sleep.  On top of that, I’m getting yelled at by my mom for spending the money to get it done.  Her excuse? “Well I don’t get my teeth worked on, so why should you?”  Well lady, is the fact that I don’t want my mouth to look like yours a good enough reason?  Lets just ignore the fact that an infection in your teeth can go to your jaw and into your brain.  So fuck it, I paid half the total so far and have an appointment on the 21st.  The part I’m looking forward too?  The sedation.

I won’t apologize for taking care of my health.  I won’t apologize for moving out on my own.  I won’t let people’s lives and the mistakes they have made ruin me and my future.  I already make my life hard and I have to take a stand and do what is right for me.  Even if it means doing things and making choices I was against beforehand.  I have to take care of me, no one else is going to do it.  Me taking care of others isn’t getting me anywhere except closer to screwed.  I hate the thought of leaving my grandpa, and I know my mom can’t really support herself on her own once he passes……. but no matter what……… I can’t end up in their shoes. I can’t let them bring me down.  I have to stand up and be an adult, not for them anymore… but for me.

Lets just hope they wake up from this fantasy world they are living in and start doing some of the right things.  *Fingers Crossed, Eyes Rolling*

(The only thing making me not wanna commit homicide is the fact that the Chicago Blackhawks finally won after a embarrassing two-game losing streak)

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