Snow… Ain’t Nobody Got Time Fo’ Dat Shit!!!

♦So yeah, its my seasonal post about how much I dislike, okay more like hate the freakin’ snow!  I am not a fan of cold weather, negative temperatures  or snow.  The only thing I enjoy about the winter is bonfires in the snow (with lots of beer) and when the lakes freeze for a good ole fashioned game of pond hockey.

♦Where I’m at we’ve had a few snow falls followed promptly by warm-enough weather, or rain, so it never lasted more than 2-3 days at a time.  The last two days, the weatherman had been predicting a blizzard, promising to dump anywhere from 3-7 inches.  I can tell you we got at least 8 in my area…  and its supposed to go until sometime Saturday!  The snow was supposed to start around noon, and sure enough by 12:30 pm I saw it start with a meanness right off the bat.  I only had three patients for ECP at work, and the last one cancelled.  I walked out the door shortly before 1:00 pm.  In the just-shy-of-an hour after it started, the roads were already crap and it took me ten minutes just to be able to turn out of the parking lot at work.  No big deal, made it home slowly and safely.  Even thought ahead to stop for cigarettes and lotto tickets for grandpa.  I should be good right?  Wrong.  And thus begins the story of my worst driving-in-snow experience… Enjoy, feel free to laugh.

♦As luck would have it, I got home and Grandpa nasal cannula is broken, and of course we have run out of extras.  I’m not on shift until Thursday night, and he needed a new one right then.  I checked all his medical supplies, nothing.  I checked my car, in my EMS bag and didn’t have one.  I called up our local fire department and explained my situation to the Lieutenant on shift.  He offers to send a crew out, and just have us sign an AMA.  I told him I was an EMT at a neighboring dept, and I refused to have them waste a rig on a call like that when it would only take me a few minutes (even in the crap weather) to drive myself to the station.  He laughed and told me there would be one at the front office.  Oh how I wish I would have just taken him up on the offer of an AMA call.

♦As I get ready to leave the house, grandpa asks me to get a DVD for him since the satellite TV is out.  Fine.  I make it down the road to the fire dept and back the same way, and head to the Walgreens.  I hit up the Redbox and decide to go in and buy some soda (for mom, grandpa) and a 6-pack of Miller Lite (for me).  I figured I deserved it after having already shoveled the 5 inches on my driveway, didn’t I?  The entrance I turned in from was blocked by cars I knew that were at least 3 miles long, and decided to use the other entrance/exit for a quicker drive home.  This is where it all goes down hill.  I get down the small incline and see a bus waiting to turn onto the road… or so I thought.  Turned out the bus was stuck and the driver and its passengers already gone.  As I go to get around it, BAM!  Wouldn’t ya know it?  My damn car gets stuck.  I start rocking it back and forth in drive and reverse, only to end up sitting there over an hour and wasting a quarter tank of gas.  As I struggled with feet and an ice scraper to clear all the shit from under my car and tires, the only thing keeping me from flipping the bird and/or yelling at the onlookers taking pictures and making comments out their windows was the fact that I was wearing my turn-out jacket with my departments name in big, bold letters across my back.  Finally a kind, good-looking man in his late-thirties to early forties pulls up behind me.  I try warning him to stop so he don’t get stuck.  He ignores me, and somehow manages to get my car out onto the road in less than 10 minutes.  (I’m pretty sure I helped with all my snow-kicking, tires squishing, and my scraper.)

♦I thank him, and I’m on my way.  At this point, I’ve used most of my gas and my gas-light was on.  I headed down the road towards the petrol-station (like that Aussie talk? lol).  Less than five minutes of being freed from the snow trap, I feel my car start drifting and I lost control.  Mind you, in TEN years of driving, I’ve never lost control in the snow… I watched, in slow motion, as the cars in the oncoming lane swerved to avoid me and saw my life flash before my eyes.  Before I realize it, I’ve somehow managed to pull a 360 and end up facing the way I was going, only in a small ditch.  Ten more minutes of struggling and freaking about gas now at this point, I get free and finally get to the gas station.

Wait guys, it’s not over yet….

♦I finish pumping and get a phone call from my mom.  She’s stuck in the same Walgreens parking lot.  Seriously?  I slowly make my way back the same way I came.  I finally get back to the Walgreens to see the lot filled with police cars, fire trucks (from two towns), an ambulance, a few cops, and the Fire Dept Command vehicles.  One of the cops is trying to help my mom, while the fire boys tend to a transformer that blew inside the store.  With the two departments rushing around, as I’m helping my mom and the cop, one of the fire guys comes up to me and asks why I’m helping the stuck car instead of being inside the building.  I look down and realize I’m still wearing my turn-out coat.  I showed him the town on the back and said I wasn’t with the crews on the call.  He laughed, apologized and helped push my moms truck.  Sure enough, we get her to the exit and she ends up stuck again.  Once again… me and the cop push her free and we slowly make our way home.

♦Once there, I put all my purchases on the kitchen table, and can’t seem to find the movie I rented.  Turns out I left it at the freaking store, on the freaking counter!!!  Argh!  Grandpa gets mad and tells me to get on the roof and clean the satellite dish.  Fuck that shit!  An hour later, he tells me to go on the roof again.  Still, fuck that shit!  A bit later my aunt pulls up in her Suburban to pick up grandpa’s laundry and offers to take me to get the movie.  She says she ever has issues and has 4-wheel drive.  5 minutes later… we are stuck in the ditch outside her house, feet away from sliding into the fire hydrant.  About 15 minutes and an irritated husband/uncle later, we are free and finally I get my movie.

♦I’ve driven in snow ever since I got my DL.  I’ve never been stuck anywhere but my driveway, never spun out the way I did today.  Scared the bajesus out of me! Pissed me off!  I’ve slipped off the road, had to swerve around people, dealt with driving the ambo lights and sirens in snow and blizzards and dealt with people being asshats on the roads, but never till today have I ever had such a horrible time driving in the snow.  It has given me a whole new level of hate for the white stuff.  I’m not looking forward to the next few days if the snow keeps up the way its supposed to.  No Siree!

But on a lighter note… I did win $15 on a scratch-off lotto ticket today, so that makes it worth it right?

2 Responses to Snow… Ain’t Nobody Got Time Fo’ Dat Shit!!!

  1. Dodge says:


    What can I say except please oh please stick the snow in an envelope and send every single bit of it to me downunder as let me tell ya i am sick to death of our summer’s oppressive 110 heat waves it dam well sucks

    So I am more than happy to swap you your snow for our heat how does that grab you 🙂

    • That sounds great, however I’m not sure I can find a big enough envelope to send it all… By this morning I had ten inches in my yard, and now I’m sneezing and coughing like there is no tomorrow from all that wet shit!

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