If You Don’t Care or Try, Than Why Should I?


It’s all I’ve been writing about lately, and I apologize to the three people who may actually read my mindless rantings… But right now, this is all I can think about.  This whole foreclosure issue going on with my grandpa’s house is driving me insane.

Aside from the inevitable packing and the fights that are going to come with it, and the pain-in-the-ass last-minute searches for a new place, that is not only affordable, but not a total dump for the $1000 my family (including myself) can afford each month, but accommodating for my sick grandfather (ie, one floor), not to mention “close to the area”…

My grandpa has two other daughters, both of which (and I fucking quote)  “Have their own problems” and refuse to help.  One of them, his youngest, refused (and I mean adamantly and absolutely refused) to let him come live at her house in the event that we can’t find a place to go before time runs out.  The other daughter (remember all the belongings I bitched about that were in the house that didn’t belong to anyone that lived here?  Yeah, Her…) wont even talk to us about when she will start removing any of her old items, so that we can make a slight ease in the packing-of-the-house issue…

I’m already up fucking fed up, its not even funny.  No one seems to be doing a damn thing about the situation but me.   Who met with a Realtor to figure out what the court document sent to the house was?  Me.  Who sat with the same Realtor and discussed all possible options?  Me.  Who called all the loan companies and the inside numbers provided by the Realtor?  Me.  Who started bringing home boxes to pack the house?  Me.  Who went to the county court house (not my favorite place in the world) to get official copies of my grandmas death certificate?  Me.  Who went to the banks with the death records and tried to get leniency? Me. Who got before-mentioned Realtor to start sending us listings of houses that were ‘For Rent’ and in our price range?  Me!  Who has gone around and looked at some of the houses on the list?  Me.

My mom isn’t making this easy.  My grandpa has no concept of how far money DOESN’T go these days, but my mom does.  She should for the amount she screams about it.  But out of the houses I’ve shown her for the listings, she as an excuse for every one.  “This one is too far”, “This one isn’t big enough”, “That one doesn’t have a fenced-in yard for the dog”, and blah blah fucking blah…  She seems to think that we can find either a 2-bedroom house with a basement, or a 3 bedroom house (all one floor mind you) for $1,000 or less, in the town we are currently living.  Not going to happen.  We live in an expensive state, in a expensive county, and in an expensive town.  Hell, the ONE-bedroom house we looked at last year was $750/month plus all utilities.

It seems like everyone thinks the situation isn’t as serious as it is.  My family doesn’t seem to think that the possibility of the Sheriff showing up and carrying our belongings to the curb isn’t a REAL POSSIBILITY.  If they do, then they are pretty good at hiding it.  I’m sorry that I can’t.  I’m sorry I’m worried about having a roof over my grandpa’s head, over my head…  They seem to think we have all the time in the world to find something they approve of.  Mom thinks we can find something here, in town.  Nope, sorry.  It would be great if we did, but we don’t.  I mean, if money wasn’t an issue, then I would presume to think that we wouldn’t be in the situation we are in.

Unfortunately, we have to take what we can get in the short time we have.   Anything that can accommodate all three of us, allows pets (my dog is going to be 11 years old, we can’t just dump him), and is habitable and not going to deteriorate my grandpa’s heath even more than where it already is, and that we can afford…  That’s it…  It’s not a lot, but at the same time it’s too much.

I’ve been sick of how its been going, angry with the way my family has been treating this whole situation…  But I’m fed up after weeks now, of being yelled at, the arguments brought out by stress and anxiety, only to see at this point, that I am the only one actively trying to do anything about the situation.  Some people see this as honorable, refusing to leave my grandpa and my mom… Some see this as just bitching and complaining.  I don’t care.  Writing about this is the best way I can cope with the situation.   I don’t have many close friends and the ones I do, have problems of their own, and I don’t confide in people at my rescue squad because I’ve seen how it has blown up in my face in the past (Yeah, I don’t have one of those TV/Movie firehouses where everyone cares about and watches out for each other)

I just want things to be okay, to know we have a REAL plan and a place to go when the time comes.  I don’t want to keep thinking that we will end up on the streets, or deal with my mom’s bullshit excuses.  I want to feel like someone else in my house, in my family cares about what is happening.  I don’t want to feel like the only one doing, or trying to do anything about the issue.

I don’t know… I guess I’m done bitching…

4 Responses to If You Don’t Care or Try, Than Why Should I?

  1. Kat says:

    I can understand your frustrations. Sometimes all you can do is just put the options out there and hope that they come around at some point and see it from your perspective. I know it’s hard right now. Honestly writing and ranting is a good way to let off some stress. I follow your blog and although I don’t know you I think you’re doing the right thing.

    • Thanks. I’m doing my best to stress everything, but its like banging your head against a brick wall. If it wasn’t for my grandpa, and my own personal debt, I’d be out of here and only worrying about myself. Its hard worrying about everyone else. Gives you no time to worry about yourself.

      Thanks for the “Keep Your Head Up” words. I need ’em. 🙂

  2. A friendly reminder that open ears are among you.

    • Thanks, it means a lot ❤

      I got so much going on, and you seem to being do pretty decent. With our whole everything, I didn’t feel right bringing you down with my issues. Cause trust me, none of it is positive.

      I may take you up on that offer, and it could be soon. I'm going crazy over here

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