You know that saying
“People can’t change”?
Well it pisses me off. Its not true in the least bit. People actually have capability to change, its whether or not the person wants to. Change happens in different ways… age, experience, circumstance, choices, decisions. Sometimes you make the choice to change, sometimes your forced to change, and sometimes it happens with out you even realizing it.
This has been bothering me for a while now… This guy I work with at the firehouse has known me for going on 5 years. We worked together at another medical job before we both ended up at the firehouse we are currently on. When he knew me 4 years ago, I was a different person. I was 22, living on my own, scraping to get by. He knew a small bit about my past, such as working as a Porn Store clerk and doing some “adultesque” modeling. I’ll admit, I was (and still am) quite the free spirit. However this close-minded individual took it upon himself to think I was a, how do you say… whore? At least that is how he talks to me these days. (If it doesn’t stop, he’s going to find his dick attached to the hitch of his truck)
I’ll be honest… When I was younger, I was a bit too free spirited. I hooked up with lots of guys that I didn’t date and had less than a handful of one-night-stands. I justified the hook-ups as not being a total slut because I always knew the guys I was sleeping with. I never just went out to the bar, picked up a stranger, and brought them home. There was always a relationship of some type with anyone I had been with.
I guess my open-mind mixed with a free spirit and the 22 year old version of me has stuck with this guy. Granted, when we worked together in 2008 I never got into my personal life with him. But its obvious he has made his own assumptions based off of a job and my quick-with-the-tongue dirty jokes. (Come on, who doesn’t enjoy a good dirty joke?!)
For the last few months, I’ve noticed that this guy from my firehouse has turned all my jokes and comments against me. He takes things that I say that aren’t dirty in the least bit, and with a wrong-worded sentence, turns them on me in the form of an insult. Even a conversation I had with a different crew member about my sick grandfather, he somehow, turned into a gross comment about sex. Dude, seriously? Grow the fuck up. At one point on a shift, I didn’t exactly call him out, but I made a comment to him. I accused him of being to assuming. He looked me dead in the eyes and admitted it. I don’t remember exactly how the entire conversation went down, but I remember his comment pretty much saying I was a whore, with out actually using the word.
Firstly, I shouldn’t have to deal with this type of shit in the firehouse. Apparently he hasn’t learned anything from the sexual harassment lawsuits we were hit with earlier this year. Secondly, I don’t expect it from someone I’ve know years longer than the rest of the people I work with at the station. Third, its getting old. And fourth, and most importantly I don’t deserve it and don’t have to keep taking it.
I’m not the same person I was when this kid knew me almost 5 years ago. This year alone I noticed a huge change in me, that I didn’t plan or even try for. I’ve been so focused on putting my DUI behind me and looking for work, not to mention being stuck in a depression as well as waiting for N* to come back home from Texas (yeah hasn’t gone well, but that’s for another blog another time) that I didn’t notice all the positive changes that were happening while I wasn’t looking. When it comes to the topic of this rant, I knew I was changing while I waited on N* to come home. The entire 6 months he was gone, I waited for him. I had many-a opportunity and never went for it. Not just because of N*, but because I just didn’t want too.
Even now, things with N* didn’t work out and I’m still the same way. I turn down offers to hook up all the time, and have no interest in it. I realized that sex is something I want, but only with someone I want it with. I’m still a young and healthy female with constant urges, however at this point I’m happy to pull out my B.O.B and turn down that text from *Insert Random Name Here*.
I like making dirty jokes. I like perversion. I like porn. I like sex. I like talking about sex. I like joking about sex. I like being a part of the “guys” conversations at the firehouse. So what? Why would that, and why should that make me a “whore”? It doesn’t. If anything, it just makes me a perverted tomboy. Why does being a girl and enjoying sexuality or a good dirty joke every now and then make you a “slut”? I don’t get it… Its the end of 2012 and people are still disgustingly close-minded.
I understand being judged my people who don’t know you with the end result a negative perception. However, to me, its even more disappointing to see how someone who has known you for years and seen you go through crappy life event after crappy life event, still looks at you like the person they originally met and can’t see the changes you made, internally and externally. Fuck those types of people… Fuck the guy from my firehouse (not literally of course!). As far as I’m concerned, he can go fuck himself. I’ve decided I’ve had enough, and the next time he says something stupid I’m going to lay it out, whether its in front of the whole crew or not. I will put him in his place, cause at this point someone who doesn’t know the real me, doesn’t have the right to treat me the way he has been these last few months.