Random Ranting

Too many things running through my mind…  Death of a cousin, worrying about friends, freaking out about paying for a dental extraction…  It appears that my training is done at the doc office, and instead of 6 days a week, I’m now down to 3 or 4 days a week.  So, how the hell am I going to manage to save money, pay for this dental bill, and survive to the next paycheck?  Stupid adult responsibilities.   

Last night I found out that one of my cousins died.  I’m not sure exactly from what, only that he has had his chest cracked open three times this year, and the last operation he ended up with a wicked bacterial infection caused from the hospital setting.  Apparently, the infection is so bad that his body has to be cremated, and the ashes aren’t allowed to separated for fear of the infection still being active and spreading to others.  Seeing as he lives way down state, his mother can’t even bring the ashes home, or have some set aside for her.  We can’t bury him in the family plot, and he’s going to be buried in some cemetery that his mother will never have the chance to visit.  

That pain I’ve been dealing with in my mouth from my busted teeth?  Yeah, went to the dentist today and had it verified that my two upper wisdom teeth need to be pulled, as soon as possible.  The bill is over $600, and I’m not even sure if that includes one, or both of the teeth that need to come out.  The only good, but still expensive part, of that whole deal is that I will be sedated.  No needles, no feeling, no memory.  I’ll be knocked out with an oral dose of  Midazolam (Versed) and won’t have an memory of the event.  Thank Batman, because I couldn’t handle that shit awake.  Not if the dentist wants to keep all his extremities.  

Today was my first day off since I started the Doc office.  The new schedule came out, and by the looks of it, my training is over.  However, I’m only scheduled for days the clinic is open, so until I get fully trained and certified in ECP therapy, I’m losing all the extra hours.  Less hours, less money, more time to panic about money and bills.  Gotta love work.  Kinda kicking myself in the ass for turning down the part-time offer I got from a pizza joint to do some deliveries.  

This entry is pretty random and un-entertaining, I know.  But all this shit has been on my mind for the past 48 hours and its driving me batshit-insane.  I just needed to rant and it get it out of my system.  I’m still wondering when things are going to start moving more smoothly, and I’ll be able to feel like an adult again.  I can’t believe the changes that have happened in my life since I decided to leave my Assistant Manager job in 2006 and go to school for EMS.  I know I’ll never get rich driving/working on an ambulance, but I figured after 5 years of having my Basic cert, I would have gotten on a paid company/department by now.  I figured I would have figured out a way to save money and get myself back into my own place.  Yeah, not so much.  I can’t believe I was making better money working in a mall, hell, even in the porn store, than I have since I decided to get into EMS.  I’d quit and find another career, but I can’t…  I love it way to much to ever leave it.

Fuck.  Fuck… Fuckity fuck fuck fuck…  I’m just so damn frustrated these days.  This economy has been shit for the last 4 years, and now we have to deal with Obama for yet another four more years.  Which to me, seems like my ass aint getting back on track.  Unless I pop out a kid, become a single mother and start applying for all kinds of state aid and welfare.  Not the best way to try and get yourself back on your feet if you ask me.  I’ve tried for over a year to find a job, and now that I’m at the Doc office things are better in the paycheck area, however working for a man who literally calls you stupid to your face, IN FRONT OF PATIENTS, isn’t going to last all that long.  There have been many times in the 2 months I’ve been there that I’ve wanted to strangle him with an IV line, and I can only take being belittled and treated like complete shit for so long.  In the EMS part of the medical field, respect between the people you work with is emphasized… so to walk into a private practice where the Doc feels like you can treat you like a pile of dog shit, is just plain disgusting to me.  At this point, I’ll take the next full-time job offer that comes along, no matter what it is.  Until then, I have to deal with his old-school, Muslim disrespect and just grin and bear it.  2014 can’t come fast enough so that I can finally get on a paid ambulance.   


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